The Great School Supplies Fiasco: Worst of the Worst
As the new school year approaches, the annual ritual of buying school supplies begins. You walk into the store, armed with a list, a budget, and high hopes of finding the perfect tools to help you—or your kids—conquer the academic world. But what happens when the school supplies you buy turn out to be, well, terrible? Here’s a look at some of the worst offenders that have somehow made their way into our shopping carts.
The Pencils of Perpetual Disappointment
Pencils are supposed to be the workhorses of school supplies—reliable, sturdy, and ready to help you take notes, doodle, or ace that math test. But some pencils have other plans. These pencils break at the slightest provocation, like they’re made of the most brittle wood known to humanity. You sharpen them, and they just snap. Sharpen, snap, repeat. It’s like they’re in cahoots with the pencil sharpener, conspiring to drive you to the brink of madness. And when they finally do hold together long enough to write, the lead is so faint you wonder if you accidentally bought invisible ink pencils.
Pens with a Vendetta
Pens are supposed to be smooth, dependable, and consistent. But every now and then, you encounter a pen that seems to have a personal vendetta against you. These pens either refuse to write entirely or decide to ink-splode at the worst possible moment, turning your pristine notes into a Pollock-esque masterpiece. You’ll find yourself frantically shaking the pen, scribbling furiously on the side of the page, hoping to coax out some ink, only to have it finally work—right as it leaves a massive blot on your paper. It’s like the pen is saying, “Oh, you wanted legible notes? Too bad!”
Erasers: The Smudge Masters
Ah, the humble eraser. You’d think it has one job—erase your mistakes—but some erasers seem to have misunderstood their purpose. Instead of cleanly removing pencil marks, they transform your page into a smudgy mess that looks like it’s been attacked by a soot-covered raccoon. And then there are the erasers that leave behind little rubbery crumbs, turning your desk into a tiny eraser crumb battlefield. By the time you’re done, you’ve created more mess than you cleaned up, and your original mistake is now a permanent, albeit smudged, part of your work.
Highlighters of Questionable Purpose
Highlighters are meant to help you emphasize important points in your notes. But every so often, you encounter a highlighter that seems determined to make sure nothing stands out. Instead of a bright, attention-grabbing color, it delivers a weak, washed-out hue that barely registers on the page. And if that wasn’t bad enough, these highlighters also like to smear ink across your notes, blurring the very information you were trying to highlight. The end result? Your notes now resemble an abstract watercolor painting more than a study guide.
Backpacks: The Betrayers
Finally, we come to the backpacks—the trusty carriers of our supplies, books, and hopes for a successful school year. But not all backpacks are created equal. Some look sturdy enough in the store, but the moment you load them up with textbooks, they start sagging, ripping, or losing zippers like they’re in a race to see which can fail first. These backpacks have all the durability of a tissue in a rainstorm, leaving you to wonder if you’ll make it to the first day of school without your belongings spilling out all over the hallway.
